I first read Untamed in a basement supply room while pumping. It was March 2020 and I was back at work 6 months after the birth of my second child. Untamed is the first book I have ever re-read. And in four years that have passed, I have become more of a mother (more time in this role and more children) and also more of a woman (started my own company and refocused on my marriage, friendships and health). This impacted my re-reading, I paid more attention to the parts on mothering and less to those reflecting on my own childhood.
Influence of Untamed on And You
I was struck by the influence that this book has had on the formation of And You. Below are two of my favorite quotes from the book and text that I wrote for And You’s website.
“I burned the memo that selflessness is the pinnacle of womanhood, but first I forgave myself for believing that lie for so long. I had abandoned myself out of love… What we need are more women who are full of themselves. A woman who is full of herself knows and trusts herself enough to say and do what must be done.”
Let it Burn, Untamed, Glennon Doyle
→ “Wholeness is honoring all the parts of you. The reliable friend, thoughtful daughter, dedicated employee, sudoku-enthusiast, margarita-loving you.” About page, And You
“I burned the memo presenting responsible motherhood as martyrdom. I decided that the call of motherhood is to become a model, not a martyr. I unbecame a mother slowly dying in her children’s name and became a responsible mother: one who shows her children how to be fully alive.” Let it Burn, Untamed, Glennon Doyle
What does it mean to be fully alive? It means making mistakes, learning, and changing.
My mission: “To give the you inside the parent the tools to be calm in the chaos and connected to their core. I don’t believe in 'thriving or surviving.' Some days you survive. Some days you thrive. Parenthood is not all unicorns and rainbows. Some days you will cry and you will fail. That is normal. That is good.” About page, And You
And lastly, “The world is telling you that ‘parent’ trumps all. But you know better ... Let’s teach our children that the goal is not to be perfect, but to be whole. We teach by modeling. So no, you can’t do it all. And no one else can either. But you can feel like yourself and be a parent. And what a better gift to your children than for them to get to know you.” Homepage, And You
Cool, but so what?
Good question. I’m not entirely sure. I guess the point of all that is to say, Hang in there. Make time for yourself - even if it’s just stepping outside and taking 3 deep breaths. Know that more time will come and that by caring for yourself, you are caring for your people.
No time to read?
💯 I am with you. This summer is when I began reading again. Reminder: my children are 2, 4 and 6 and Untamed is the only book I read between March 2018 and August 2024.
In the throws of babyhood it is about physical survival, for them and for us - food, sleep and clean diapers/showers. That’s it. On repeat. The luxury of childhood is a bit more mental space and a bit less physical exhaustion.
I also have this feeling as a mom that whatever leisure activities I do still need to be productive - like I can’t listen to a podcast unless it’s about being a better mother or person.
Yet, I am enjoying reading so much that I think I should have made more of an effort to read before. I would have also had to simultaneously put less pressure on myself to always be accomplishing or learning something.
Reading is a form of escapism, as one wise lady in my book club said. So maybe instead of zoning in front of Netflix you could read a few pages. If that’s your thing. And no, it doesn’t have to be self-help or historical fiction.
You can just read for you. Or you can watch Netflix for you. Or you can do yoga just for you. Just know that you deserve a little time off and make it happen. Especially in this busy, holiday merry-making period where life can become unending to-do and to-buy lists.
Breathe. Read. Reflect.
xx,
Erica
